a “Brigid Party”

It is a major task for Brigid to put on her uniform. “Ironic” is not a strong enough word.

Had another “Brigid Party” today, ahead of the big parade. They’re every three weeks or so, Shonda’s idea. I wish they wouldn’t call them that but I suppose that’s the right name. We invited Luz this time. She’s new to this country, from El Salvador. I heard her family narrowly escaped some violent horror down there. Everyone knows they’re undocumented (that’s the word, right? I hate saying “illegal”), and if they were in Texas they’d be in trouble, but here in good old R.I. they’re safe from ICE. Luz is very quiet but once you get to know her she’s very sweet. She wears a crucifix too and says Hail Marys and Our Fathers at lunch, in Spanish. ✞✞

We can’t keep the kids away in my house, so the “parties” are at Millie’s. She has a nice big living room. It was cold, because due to the chemicals, Millie always has to keep a window open. Brrr!!! It was below freezing outside, and windy. My nips were stiff all afternoon. Not that the girls cared; they were in their sweats and socks and all bundled up. I’m used to that “situation”.

They’ve got it down to a science by now. Millie sets the two chairs about three feet apart, and when I come out of the shower and dry myself with a towel, I get up on them, one foot on each, my legs wide spread. She puts a lamp on the floor so they can see me better. Then she and Shonda go to work. Debra was there, and Susie, at first just to watch, point out places M & S missed, and keep everyone supplied with soda and cookies. Luz kept shielding her eyes at first, and making exclamations in Spanish, but she got more comfortable after the first few minutes. (It’s girls only of course! ⚢ ) I keep my arms up and out, so they can get my armpits.

One girl keeps my “lower parts” spread apart while the other puts the shaving cream on. Darn that cream stings!!! It’s mentholated! My “lower hair” has to be shaved narrower now with the smaller strip. Shonda wants to shave it off all the way, but I always say no; Ms. Kleinfelter said having hair underneath “stabilizes” the bottom. It should be shaved a sixteenth of an inch in from the edge, on each side. Another reason the magnifying glasses come in handy!

It’s so cool to have such good friends who can help me with this. I don’t think I could do it all myself, at least not so well. The only embarrassing thing is Shonda raving about how “perfect” my body is. Far from it! My waist is too narrow, my boobs too big for my waist, my butt is too small. I think Shonda’s body is better, judging from what she looked like in that almost-backless dress at the dance. At least I’m glad my body isn’t a curse like with Nilda with her giant boobs. (Nilda has always been invited and maybe she’ll show up someday; we think she would like seeing someone else’s body be the center of attention, instead of hers.)

It takes about fifteen minutes to get my crotch done. It’s very exacting work. Then Erin stopped by to do my armpits -- that’s her specialty. When she was done, I turned around and leaned my arms forward onto the end table so that Shonda could spread my butt cheeks while Debra got the few hairs next to my butthole. Then I got down, sat on the carpet (my arms and legs are tired by then) and put my feet forward so Erin and Susie could do my toenails. They always fight over on whether to do the “stars” or the “stripes” (Ms. Kleinfelter says either design is acceptable) but they have to do one or the other because both feet have to be the same! Then they do my fingernails. I feel like I’m a Queen being attended to by servants. Queen Brigid Siobhan O’Dierna.☘👸🏼

We sat around talking and gossiping, and then watched TV, with them on the couch, and me in front of them on the carpet, still naked, spread out in an “X”, my head propped up so I can see. In this position I can be sure everything will dry. (It’s o.k. for the Queen to be naked around her “servants” ha ha.) Then I get the locket out of my jacket and put my uniform on to make sure everything looks good. As always, they did a perfect job!